


The Merc at the Zoo

by Ginover



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Comics references, Deadpool being Deadpool, F/M, Fluff and Humor, M/M, No animals were harmed in the writing of this fic, Other, Rated for Deadpool's Language, Reader-Insert, pop culture references, written as F/M but can easily be read as M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 23:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4498956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginover/pseuds/Ginover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, first things first, I'm not a native speaker and I haven’t written anything proper in English in ages (at least nothing that I’ve published)… I’ve also never written Deadpool before. However, I got a little carried away after being inspired by <a href="http://thefandomimagine.tumblr.com/post/102731330129/submitted-by-anonymous">this post</a> on tumblr.</p><p>SUMMARY: Fluff without plot? Sort of. Deadpool needs to be cheered up and so the reader decides to take him to the zoo. Things do not go as planned and Wade ends up picking a fight with a goat. Amongst other things. Mostly fluff and humour, but with typical Deadpool language (cursing, rudeness, Spideypool is mentioned once). Includes a bunch of (blink-and-you’ll-miss-em) comics- and pop culture-references. See if you can spot them all. =)</p><p>ETA: the wonderful Elsa translated my fanfic into Spanish! How awesome is that?! You can find it <a href="http://crawling-from-the-pit.tumblr.com/post/127050105929/mercenario-en-el-zool%C3%B3gico">on her tumblr</a>. Thank you, dear! =)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Merc at the Zoo

*** * * * * * * ***

 

"One more time, Wade, you cannot climb in there and have a staring contest with the gorilla!" you exclaimed.

"But why nooooot?" Deadpool had a whiny voice when he answered.

You had to admit your own voice had sounded harsher than intended, but you had to make sure that a.) Wade would leave the poor animals alone and b.) you two wouldn't get arrested for trespassing or harassing the zoo animals.

In retrospect, it might not have been such a great idea to visit the zoo with the 'merc with a mouth'.

 _Merc with a mouth, my ass! More like lunatic with ADHD and a split personality_.

You couldn't help but smile, though. Yes, he was an idiot sometimes. But he was a nice idiot. Childish, loud and obnoxious, but also funny, witty and smart. And kind. At least to you. You had met him a few months ago when he – more by accident than intentionally – had saved you from getting robbed on the street after work one night. You two had become friends and soon he had told you about _his skills and his… job._

Most of the time though, he kept the details of how he earned his money to himself. His last mission however hadn't gone so well and you didn't have to be a mutant with telepathic abilities to know that he was depressed about it. So – after three days of him sulking and brooding in his filthy apartment – you decided he needed to get some fresh air and see some sunlight.

That is why you had invited him to the zoo.

A decision you would start to regret 10 minutes after paying the admission fee for the zoo….

 

"Look the little kid is allowed to walk on the wall too! Why can't I do the same?!?"

"You didn't just want to walk on the wall though, did you? You said you wanted to see if the gorilla had more beautiful eyes than you. Which pretty much means you wanted to break into the gorilla enclosure. And besides, that kid is like 7 or 8 years old. And he's holding onto his dad's hand—"

"Does that mean I get to stay up here if I hold your hand?!" he grinned and held out his hand.

You replied with a facepalm and a sigh. "Wade, please…"

"Oh, that's your serious voice. Okay, okay, I'm coming down…"

He hopped down the sturdy, waist-high stone wall and landed next to you. The father who had been holding his kid's hand looked over to you when he heard the heavy thump of Deadpool's combat boots on the pavement. He looked at the two of you - first at you, then at Wade - and then he started smiling. Then he went back to making sure that his kid wouldn’t fall into the animal enclosure, down on the other side of the wall.

_Dude, what are you staring at?_

You could feel your face get warm and quickly grabbed Deadpool's arm and dragged him away with you.

"Thank you", you mumbled while walking. "And please stay down this time, okay? I really don't want to get kicked out of the zoo today. At least not before seeing the tigers and lions."

"Why? Are they your favorites?"

"Yeah sort of. I mean I like a lot of animals, but the big predators… they're just so fierce and badass. And then at the same time they can be such giant dorks when they get to play with their toys, like a ball or a box. It's adorable."

"You should see me when I get a new toy!"

You laughed before answering: "I've seen you play, Wade. It's no fun!"

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!" Wade exclaimed with fake anger in his voice.

"Remember that time you stayed at my place and when I came home from work you came running towards me and you threw that dud at me and yelled 'Catch the grenade!!'? Remember how you scared the shit out of me with that?! NOT. FUNNY."

"Oh come on, Y/N, that was just supposed to be a little bit of teasing. That dud didn't even remotely look like a real grenade."

"Well, I had no time to realize that because I was too busy screaming and trying to throw that damn thing out of the window."

Deadpool couldn't keep it together any longer and started snickering.

"Oh I'll never forget how you were like 'Open the window, Wade, Wade, help, oh God, help me!' It was too funny."

"I hope you also won't forget how I kicked you in the groin when you told me it was a dud!" you pulled a face and stuck your tongue out at him.

"Okay yeah, that was unpleasant. But hey, your first contact with Wade Jr, so not a total loss for me." He pointed his thumbs at himself and grinned.

"In-con-ceivable!" you laughed again.

"I understood that reference!"

"You were the one who showed me that movie, Wade!"

"Touché!"

"Oh look, we're almost there."

You grabbed his arm once more and dragged him along around the corner, to the enclosures with the big cats.

 

*** * * * * * * ***

 

"What do you mean they're all in quarantine?!"

Wade's voice echoed loudly through the little wooden booth that served as an information stand.

"I'm sorry, Sir. That is all I can say. We had to make sure the infection wouldn't spread so we quarantined all the feline predators in this zoo as a safety measure. I'm very sorry if you came to see them in particular, but we've also got many other animals here that you can—"

"They are her favorites!"

He gestured at you.

"It's okay…" you tried to calm him down. There was no way yelling at that poor kid was going to change anything.

"No, it's not okay! You wanted to see lions and tigers playing in boxes and now you can’t! Not. Okay. At. All!"

"Wade, come on…"

Deadpool couldn't be stopped though. He turned around to face the young zoo worker again and kept yelling at him.

"This is idiotic. Why can't you just let us in? Just a quick peek into the quarantine area, so she can see the cats and then we're gonna leave again! It's gonna take 10 minutes max."

"No, Sir, I cannot do that."

"Come on, give me the key!"

"Sir, we don't even know if the infection could spread to humans, it's not safe in there without a mask and—" he stammered and obviously lost his train of thought when he realized that he was talking to a guy wearing a mask.

A pretty intimidating mask to be fair.

 _I shouldn’t have let him wear it_ , you thought. But Wade had insisted.

You took pity on the young kid who was clearly starting to get scared and so you grabbed Deadpool’s gloved hand and tried to usher him out of the booth and away from the zoo worker.

"No, let go of me, Y/N. I'm gonna poke him with one of my knives until the keys fall out and—"

"Don't you dare hurt him!" you turned around and stopped Wade from pulling out one of the knives that were hidden in the pockets and nooks of his leather suit.

"Oh you're such a stick-in-the-mud." Deadpool sighed and let his head sink.

"That kid is just doing his job. And you heard him, it's not safe for humans in the quarantine zone. Not everybody has your… _immune system_ , you know?!"

You lowered your voice towards the end of that sentence and smiled at him.

"Besides, we can come back another time, when the lions and tigers are out of quarantine."

"S'ppose so…"

"Come on then, let's go and visit the goats instead. You're gonna love them. You can go inside their pen and pet them. Or let them crawl all over you. The last time I was here, one of them tried to climb onto my back. I think it mistook me for a rock or something, because I was kneeling on the ground while feeding them…"

You chuckled and looked at Wade.

"The petting zoo? Really?!" He pulled a face.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Just because I tried to walk on the stone wall earlier doesn't mean I'm a kid! I'm a grown-ass man. With a grown ass. And other grown… _bits_."

"I thought you might like them. What do you want to do instead then?"

"I want you to see your big cats."

"Yeah but that's not gonna happen. No cats for me today. But that's okay. We're here so you can have some fun too, you know."

You took his hand and led him away from the info booth, mouthing 'sorry' at the young man behind you. Even from the growing distance you could see the relief on the kid's face.

_Well there's my good deed for today. Save an innocent kid from being poked with knives by Mr Piscina de la Muerta._

"Okay let’s go to the petting zoo then…"

"Huh?" you stared at Wade, trying to figure out if he was being serious or not.

"I thought you didn't like the idea because you were a _grown-ass man with grown bits_ …"

It wasn't easy imitating his voice, but you gave it your best shot in order to cheer him up.

"Nice try, Y/N. There's only one me though." He smirked at you.

_A small smile for Deadpool. A huge success for me!_

"And I'm still not very keen on having goats climb all over me, but let's go and make fun of them. And feed them, I guess. Unless—unless you change your mind and allow me to feed this nerd back there to the sick lions??!" he pointed over his shoulder to the info booth and looked at you hopefully.

"No."

"Awwww man…" he answered with – _hopefully fake_ – disappointment barely concealed in his voice. Even through the mask you could see he was pouting.

"Come on then, before you have any more illegal ideas."

You held his hand on the way to the petting zoo and neither of you didn't even seem to notice it.

 

*** * * * * * * ***

 

"Ohhhh my God, Y/N, look at the little one over there! It looks like one of my former roommates! Except with more fur. And more eyesight." Deadpool snickered while pointing at a little baby goat in the corner of the goat pen, where it was being fed by a little girl.

"And this one over there, the one with the horns, it looks like the biggest nerd ever."

"Wade, you're supposed to feed them, not insult them!"

You threw one of the food pellets at him while you were laughing.

It missed him. Big time. But the goat Wade had just insulted as a 'nerd' saw it and ran to where the pellet had landed.

"He's attacking me. He heard me!" Wade exclaimed with mock panic and a high-pitched voice.

"Yeah watch out, it's gonna bite you instead of the pellet because it loves your outfit so much!"

It was hard to breathe because you were laughing so much, but seeing Wade fool around with the goats was worth it.

"Hah! I always knew goats had a leather fetish!" he replied and looked over to where you were standing and wiping away tears from laughing. He smiled when he saw you happy, only to yell a loud and obnoxious "Ouch! You lil fuck—" all of a sudden.

"Wade!"

"What? It bit me in the calf. For real!"

"There are children."

You looked around hoping none of the parents nearby had heard Deadpool cursing. That's when you noticed the dad from earlier. The one who had helped his kid while it was walking on the stone wall. The one who had smiled at you when he saw you and Deadpool earlier.

He noticed you as well and almost immediately he looked behind you to where Wade was probably having a staring contest with the little ram by now. Or worse.

 _What is this guy's problem….!?_ you thought while watching the father and his kid.

"Come at me, stinker!" Wade's voice behind you reminded you there was something more important to focus on right now. Like the reason you were in the zoo in the first place.

That reason being Deadpool.

Deadpool the mercenary.

The mercenary who was currently on all fours fighting with a little goat ram.

_Is this really happening?!_

"Wade, what the fu—fudge are you doing?!"

"I'm gonna fight that little shit. He bit me! It's time for revenge!" he didn’t stop staring at the ram in front of him.

The ram which was currently lowering its head and charging at his human adversary.

"Come at me! Hah!"

"Jesus, Wade, stop it."

Too late. The little goat had already bumped into him, hitting his head and poking through Wade's leather mask.

You couldn’t see blood from where you were standing, but you could hear Wade curse.

"Aw shit, man. That hurt. You cheeky lil fucker."

He touched his head and examined the wounds.

"Waaaaade…" you whined and walked over to him, mentally preparing yourself to drag that _grown-ass man_ out of the petting zoo by his boots if necessary.

When you got to him, you bent over – since he was still kneeling on the ground – and examined the holes in his mask as well.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, don't worry. I'm gonna be fine as soon as I get this lil—wait, where did he go?"

"What?"

Deadpool looked around but the little ram seemed to have disappeared. Then he screamed all of a sudden.

"YOU FUCKING SONOFABIT—"

"What—what happened??!"

You tried to figure out what had happened, but it was hard because Wade was jumping up and down, clutching his butt and yelling and cursing way too loudly and inappropriately for a petting zoo. Well, for any kind of zoo for that matter. You could hear the other parents hissing, mumbling and making general sounds of disapproval, while they were trying to pull their kids away from the screaming lunatic in his scary leather outfit.

"THAT LITTLE BEAST HEADBUTTED ME! IN THE BUTT!!"

"What?"

"Ahhh, damn it, this is worse than getting your head cut off, I swear to God…"

When it finally dawned on you what had happened you tried to keep it together – you really did – but you couldn't stop yourself from laughing. You put your hand over your mouth to keep yourself quiet, but even that didn't work very well.

"Hey stop laughing, this really hurts…"

"Karma's a bi—" you looked around you and saw the parents and their kids staring at you and Wade…

"Karma's a big bad pain in the butt. Literally."

You burst out into laughter again.

The look from Wade only made things worse.

"Stop laughing, Y/N. You are almost as terrible as the author of this fanfic for making me suffer like this!"

"What?? Hey look, I'm sorry, man, I really am, but you gotta admit you brought this on yourself…" you tried to explained to him, while trying to calm down and stop snickering.

Wade stared at you for a few more seconds, and then he scanned the pen for the little ram.

"I am gonna—"

"No you're not."

You grabbed his arms and led him out of the pen.

"That little stinking monster! Who does he think he is with his stupid horns?! Reminds me of Murdock and his idiotic costume…" Wade kept cursing and muttering under his breath while you dragged him away from the goats and away from the _crime scene_.

Then he suddenly broke free from your grip and started running back while yelling loudly:

"Hah, that's it! You should be called Murdock!"

One of the zoo workers, who had been relatively calm and silent up until now, blocked Wade's way and stopped him from entering the petting zoo area again.

"Sir, I have to ask you to leave now."

Deadpool wouldn't calm down just yet, though. He tried to get past the zoo worker and kept yelling across his shoulder, towards the goats…

"Don’t think this is over, Murdock. I'm—no, wait, I'm gonna call you Murdick, because you're a stupid little dick!"

"Sir, this behavior is highly inappropriate. You have to leave now, or I will call security."

"That won't be necessary." You had caught up with Wade and walked up right behind him. "We are leaving now, aren’t we, Wade?!"

You touched Deadpool's shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. And it seemed to work. He stopped searching for the little ram and stared at your hand, before turning around to look at you.

"Let's go, I'm hungry", you said with a soft smile.

"I—" he quickly looked back in the direction of the goats as if he was assessing whether or not it was worth it, then he pulled a face.

"I really wanted to kick that goat's butt, you know…"

"Yes I know. You were on a _quest for revenge_."

You grinned at him, before continuing…

"But let's be honest, what did you expect, Wade? You were practically challenging him to a fight. And then when you weren't paying attention he took advantage of your weak spot."

You slapped his butt and laughed. Then you grabbed his elbow and softly pulled him away.

"Come on, Mister, let’s go and grab something to eat!"

It wasn't until half a minute later or so when he finally realized: "Wait, did you just call my butt my weak spot?! I'll have you know that it took _hours_ of determined training and lots of Mexican food to get it into its current shape. There is nothing weak about my butt. I have a very cute bubble butt!"

"Okay, okay, you're right. Your butt _is_ cute" you laughed and nudged his arm with your elbow, as you two walked away.

"Thank you very much." He beamed, hooked his right arm with your left one, and you two strutted off.

 

*** * * * * * * ***

 

A short while later the two of you arrived at the zoo's food court.

"What do you want to eat?"

"Do they have Mexican food?" Deadpool answered.

"I don't think so. Sorry. How about hot dogs? You like them, right?!"

"Yes, I do… I do…" his voice trailed off as he stared at something behind you.

"Wade, you okay?" you turned around to see what he was looking at, but he quickly stopped you from doing that and kept on rambling:

"Yes, hot dogs! Great idea, cupcake! Can you get me four?! Here's… um… 20 bucks. And another 10…" he pulled out some crumpled-up banknotes from one of his belt pouches and more or less smacked them into your hands.

"Should be enough for plenty of hot dogs and something to drink… I’m just gonna be gone for a minute or two. Okay. Be right back. Don’t wait for meeeeee.... No, wait for me please."

He grinned all over his face. And then he was gone.

You tried to keep track of where he was running to, but quickly lost sight of him amidst all the people.

 

*** * * * * * * ***

 

"I got your hot dogs. And a beer. I didn't know what you wanted to drink, but I figured this is the best option."

You smiled at Wade when he finally returned a couple of minutes later.

"There you go. Dig in, before they're completely cold! Oh here's the remaining money… thanks."

Wade sat down on the bench beside you and started eating.

After finishing your hot dog – you only had bought one for yourself because you still had some leftovers from yesterday in your fridge at home – you cleaned your hands with a napkin and licked your lips, before turning to Wade and asking him:

"Soooo what's in the bag?!"

"Huh?!" he was just about to finish hot dog #3 and his lips had mustard everywhere. You had a sudden urge to lick it up.

_Okay no more beer for me._

You watched as Wade licked off the mustard from his lips, before you focused on his eyes – which were still hidden behind his mask because he’d only pulled it up halfway across his face – and repeated: "What is in the bag?!"

"What bag?" Wade grinned.

"The one you brought with you after your mysterious disappearance earlier. The one you tried to hide below the bench before sitting down…" You teased him a bit. "I hope it's not a dead goat??!" Your smile froze. "Oh god, Wade, please tell me it's not a—"

"Hey, who do you think I am?!"

"I think you're someone who can hold a grudge… And someone who hates it a lot when he gets embarrassed by animals that are only knee-high… Someone who hates it enough to yell about it in front of children and who—"

Your rambling was stopped by Wade's index finger on your lips.

"I don't kill little innocent animals. Unless they're evil. You know, brainwashed and trained by super villains and sent in order to kill me. There was this squirrel once. I swear if looks could kill, I'd be dead by now. Healing factor or not. That squirrel had the most evil death stare of all time!"

You sighed ever so slightly.

"Sorry, got distracted there. Point is: I don't kill innocent goats. Not even the ones that poke my perfect little bubble butt."

You chuckled.

"Buuuuut since today was kind of a disaster I bought something to make up for it."

With that he reached below the bench and pulled out the white plastic bag. It was larger than expected.

"It's a… um… it's a present for you. Wanna open it?" Wade scratched his cheek and smiled nervously.

"For me? Of course I want to open it then!" you beamed at him.

You took the bag and put it on the table in front of you. Without peeking inside, you opened it and reached inside.

Whatever it was, it felt soft and furry.

_Please don't be an evil dead squirrel! Not that anybody could actually tell the difference between an evil squirrel and a good one once they're dead…_

You hesitated for a second and then you pulled out the soft and furry contents of the plastic bag.

It was a stuffed lion. A huge one at that.

"Awwwww, oh my god, Wade!" You let out the most undignified, yet happy squealing noise.

"I thought since you didn't get to see the real lions and tigers and stuff… you might wanna take a fake one home with you…?!"

Wade stared at the stuffed animal, while he continued: "I hope it’s not too weird that I—"

You cut him off by hugging him.

"It's not weird at all. It is perfect! Thank you!"

"You like it!?" Wade smiled at you when you let go of him.

You nodded and grinned at him: "I do. It's really cute, thank you!"

"Score!!" Wade laughed, before reaching for his fourth hot dog. "No honestly, I'm glad you like it. I'm sorry I was such a messsllplrgslhslk…"

He had taken a huge bite of his hot dog and was now struggling with his full mouth.

"Okay, don't know what you wanted to say but yeah…" You couldn't help but tease him.

A moment later he had managed to swallow the food down and he continued: "I'm sorry I was such a mess today. And the last couple of days. Sorry you had to put up with my brooding and shit."

"Aww come on, it wasn't that bad. Apart from the time your quarrel with the goat nearly ended in fisticuffs."

"I'm just… I guess I'm just a mess in general and I kinda feel bad for you because you have to deal with it almost every day..?!"

"Nonsense, you're not that bad, Wade. Besides, we're friends now and that's what friends do. They put up with each other's shit."

Wade finished hot dog #4 with two quick bites and cleaned his face and fingers with a napkin, before answering: "Well, I certainly bring more of the bad stuff into this relationship than you. This friendship, I mean."

"Yeah but that's because whereas I have to deal with malfunctioning printers and bitchy co-workers, you have to deal with battling super villains and capturing bad guys or retrieving important scientific artifacts and whatnot… you see, there's bound to be a disparity. But that's okay."

"You're right, I guess."

"Mhm…" You took another sip from your beer.

"Does that mean I can keep the lion myself?!"

"Huh?"

"Well you basically said I didn't have to apologize for my shitty life, so that means I get to keep the lion, right? Right?!?" he teased you and snatched the stuffed animal right from under your nose.

"Hey, what? Nooo, that’s mine now!"

You tried to get the animal back, but he held it out of reach, high above his head.

"Mmh whatcha say…" Wade started singing.

"You're an idiot!" you laughed.

"But I'm _your_ idiot. Wade your-friend-the-idiot-Deadpool Wilson."

After that, he wriggled his eyebrows.

"Oh just shut up and give me my lion back!"

"What do I get for it?"

"A smack on the head?"

"No, that offer isn't good enough. Try again."

Wade started cradling the lion like it was a little child.

"I think I'll call him Nathan. That's a lion-y name, right?"

"Wade…"

"Or Summers?! He looks like he would enjoy them."

"Wade."

"Yes?!" he looked up and his breath hitched.

Your face was only about 10inches away from his.

He stared at you. Even through the mask you could feel his gaze. And you realized he was holding in his breath.

"You wanted another offer for the lion, is that correct?"

He just nodded silently.

"How about this for an offer…?!"

And you leaned forward and kissed him. It was a soft and sweet kiss. Almost chaste. When your lips parted again, you could see he was licking his lips, tasting you…

"Mhm… that is… that is definitely a better offer. I'll have to test it again, though, before I can make a final decision…"

So you kissed him again.

You could feel his hand on your neck, pulling you closer, as the kiss grew ever so slightly more passionate.

A moment later your lips parted once more.

"Do we have a deal then?!" you smirked at him.

"I don't know, how about we ask the guy that's staring at us?!"

"Hm?"

You pulled back from Wade and looked around you.

There – two tables in front of you – sat the dad again. Stalker!dad. And his little boy. They were both staring in your direction.

_That dude again!_

"What is his fucking problem!?"

"Hey that's the guy from earlier, right? The one who was being a really negligent parent and let his kid run around on the stone wall without supervision…??"

You shot a glance at Wade.

"Um yeah, almost correct."

"I wonder what he wants. Let’s go ask him!"

As if he'd heard Wade talk, the mysterious man suddenly stood up, grabbed the kid's hand and started marching in your direction.

"Or let's wait and see what he has to say, fine by me too…"

Wade shoved the lion into your hands and pulled out one of his knives which he held under the table where no one would see it. With his free hand he pulled down his mask and thus hid his face again.

You could practically feel the gaze with which Wade – now Deadpool again – was sizing up the other guy.

_He's getting ready for a possible fight.  
_

_Damnit!  
_

_This should not be this hot!_

Finally, stalker!dad arrived at your table. He was beaming and apparently over the moon about something.

"Hi, um, I'm sorry to intrude, but I just have to ask, or else my son won't forgive me for the rest of his life… could I get an autograph?!"

"Huh?!"

Wade made the most ridiculous sound. And you couldn't help but stare at the guy either.

_Had he really just asked for an autograph?!_

"An autograph… for my son. He's a huge fan of yours. And he's too shy to ask for himself."

Stalker!dad pointed at the little boy who was hiding behind his father's leg.

"Aww sure... geez, man, for a second I thought you were stalking me or something…"

Wade shot you a glance and grinned ever so slighty, before looking back at father and son in front of your table.

"Do you have something I can sign?"

"Yes, sure… Pete, do you want an autograph on your backpack?"

The little boy who hadn't said a word, nodded his head and took off the little brightly-colored backpack he had been wearing. His father took it, opened it and pulled out a pen, then he handed both over to Wade.

"So your name is Pete?" he asked the little kid.

When the boy didn't reply and instead hid behind his father's leg again, the old man helped out and answered for him: "Actually, his name is Peter, but he prefers Pete for some reason."

Wade nodded. He smiled at the little boy and said "Peter is a strong name, but Pete sounds more badass. Umm, I mean, it sounds cooler."

You furrowed your brow. Wade was acting like this was no big deal. Before you could say anything, he already started scribbling on the backpack. You looked on in wonder and confusion as he wrote:

'To Pete, my #1 fan from the zoo! I hope you like my spider! Spiderman'

Then he drew a little spider next to the words, closed the pen, took a moment to assess his work, and then he handed everything back to the father.

The old man beamed happily.

"Look Pete, he even drew you a little spider!"

The boy smiled sheepishly before grabbing the backpack and pressing it close to his chest.

"Thank you so much, Spiderman! I really appreciate you taking the time. You made my son's day!" The kid's father extended his hand and Wade took it and shook it.

Then the father previously known as stalker!dad added a quick "Okay, that's it, we’ll be on our way. We won't bother you any longer… Thank you so much! Have a great day!" and then they were gone.

You didn't speak right away. You needed a short moment to process what just happened.

When you finally opened your mouth to speak, Wade was faster: "I know, I know… happens to me all the time."

He scratched the back of his head.

"But… how can they not see the difference?"

"Dunno… I just know that if I had a dollar for every time I was mistaken for Spidey, I'd be… well, I'd probably still be working because I would have spent all of the money on chimichangas and beer. And it doesn't happen _that_ often. But often enough!"

"Just another normal day at the zoo!"

You couldn’t help but laugh.

"But at least _that puzzle_ is solved now. And I got my lion back."

"You got lucky!" Wade put the knife that he had placed on his thigh while signing the backpack back into the designated nook on his suit. pulled up his mask and stuck out his tongue.

"Awww, don't be a sore loser. I offered you a deal. And you took it!"

"Nah, we were interrupted before closing the deal. That doesn't really count!"

"Okay, then how about we go back to my place and continue the negotiations?!"

"Mhh, I like the sound of that…" Wade smirked.

"Great, let's go then, _Spidey_!"

Wade let out the weirdest noise which was somewhere between hitching breath and a frustrated groan.

"Are you okay?!"

"Yeah, it's just... my _Spideypool_ sense was tingling."

"What do you-!"

"Nothing." He quickly interrupted you and stood up, holding out his hand.

You took it and got up as well.

"You know, today was fun, we should go to the zoo more often!" he declared.

"Says the man who started pouting when I suggested going to the petting zoo."

"I'd rather pet you than goats, that's why."

"Wade, oh my God!" you exclaimed while laughing out loud.

Before he could say more improper things in public, you grabbed his hand tighter and dragged him towards the zoo exit.

_He's right, though. I should take him to the zoo more often!_

 

*** * * * * * * ***

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting on AO3, please be kind. 
> 
> You can also find this fanfic on [my tumblr](http://ginover.tumblr.com/post/125478245388). 
> 
> The Spanish translation by the wonderful Elsa can be found [here](http://crawling-from-the-pit.tumblr.com/post/127050105929/mercenario-en-el-zool%C3%B3gico). Go check it out!
> 
> (I figured out how to add proper links, yay! XD)


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